so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
