Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just gift wrapped bread.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
