I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
