It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
