it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
