u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
