If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
