Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have already put on my inside pants.
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