Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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