The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
