Someone shit on the floor
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
