Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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