And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
