Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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