I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
