Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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