Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
