so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
