i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Randomize
