I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
