True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
