Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
