'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
