I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
