My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
