Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
