I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
