so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
