If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
