if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
