White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
