Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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