whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
