Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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