you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
