we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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