matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
