My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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