i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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