Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
