He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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