I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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