I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
