yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
