planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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