East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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