You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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