Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
