YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
