im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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