i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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