Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
